A Dialog With My Intutition #trust30 Challenge – Day 24

I accepted a blogging challenge called #Trust30 in honor of the republishing of Ralph Waldo Emerson’s book Self-Reliance. Essentially over the next 30 days I will be given snippets of thoughts from which I must create something. In my case that something will be written works.

Today’s challenge is as follows:

The secret of fortune is joy in our hands. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you could picture your intuition as a person, what would he or she look like? If you sat down together for dinner, what is the first thing he or she would tell you?

(Author: Susan Piver)

“You’re late, as usual.”

“What do you mean, ‘as usual’?  We didn’t have a set meeting time.”

“Aren’t you Mr. Intuition? Shouldn’t you know what time you are needed and show up appropriately?”

“Let’s get something straight. I’m not at your beck and call. I do have other things to do.”

“Really? Like what?”

“Keeping you alive, for one. You know, like when you were driving on the expressway last week and were about to change lanes but hesitated, a second later that big delivery truck swerved into the middle lane… right where your car and your soft little body would have been.  That wasn’t Jesus taking the wheel, bucko, that was all me.”

“I have my doubts about that. I noticed the driver of that truck was a bit hurried and wasn’t using any signals earlier. I really can’t be sure that was you….”

“Okay, cut the crap, why did you call this meeting? It is very irregular, you know. This isn’t how things are normally done.”

“I know, I know.  See, I’m doing this blogging challenge. Yada yada yada, I have to meet my intuition and see what you have to say about me.”

“Really?  You want my opinion about you?”

“Not particularly, but that is what the assignment is.”

“You are not an attractive man.”

“Wow.  Wow! No mercy… wow, you are some piece of work.”

“I call it the way I see it.  You had a chance of being passable if you would have taken care of yourself. Learned how to dress, learned how to style your hair.  Definitely gone to a dermatologist.  Did the idea of weight training ever cross your mind?  Do you know why you are single at 40? You aren’t physically attractive.”

“I think we are done here.”

“I didn’t call this meeting. There are a lot of unattractive men who get married have long happy lives with families and all that. You know what they have that you don’t?”

“I really think I’m done, we don’t have to continue.”

“Per – wait for it – sonality.  That’s right, personality. They aren’t wimpy pieces of shit like you, so eager to please, so afraid of not being liked. Heard you scrubbed out your neighbor’s sour milk soaked garbage pail the other day.  Who in the fuck does that? Have you no self respect? Did you think she was completely unable to take care of it herself? Or did you really think that you were being all noble and awesome by doing a household chore for her? Get a grip, man. Stop being a schmuck.  Stop living your life for other people.  It only amuses them. There is nothing endearing about that kind of behavior. Grow a god damned spine.”

“Really, I’m done.”

“See, this is the problem right here. You never listen to me.  You think you know better than everyone else.  You think you have a special insight into the universe.  Guess what, asshole, I’m that special insight. Listen to me!”

“Seriously, you can stop now.”

“And you could get up and walk away, yet you aren’t. You want this. You want the hard honest truth that only someone like me can give you.  You don’t trust or accept anyone else’s version of this reality. You don’t trust other people’s perception of reality because you see how self-deluded people can be – jumping from fad to fad, believing one thing one day and a completely different thing the next.  I’m the only thing you can’t ignore yet you swerve about me like that truck driver on the expressway.  And just like that asshole, one day you are going to careen into someone.”

“Are you just going to sit there and insult me?”

“Not my problem. I didn’t create this blogging challenge.  By the way, why the fuck would you take on a blogging challenge? Are you hard up for things to write?”

“Why are you so critical? Why not some encouragement?”

“You want encouragement, talk to pride.  I’m intuition.  I’m about seeing the reality under the reality.  That’s why you are afraid of me. Most of your life is a carefully contrived artifice to protect your fragile little feelings.”

“Go to hell.”

“Hell? Don’t make me laugh. Visit the depths of your subconscious, that is hell. Real hell. You compartmentalize everything so much, it feels like the home of an obsessive-compulsive hoarder. Sure, you have neat little stacks of everything set aside in all the various rooms of your mind but honestly, do you need to hold onto all this crap?  Walking through your subconscious is a Zorkian maze.  I’m afraid if the lights go out I’m going to get eaten by a Grue.”

“Alright then, here is our chance to clear the air.  My life is a mess. What should I do?”

“Oh now, you can’t lure me into that trap. I’m god damn intuition, you don’t think I know what that is about? You want me to give you a few steps to follow, which you will half-heartedly, end up failing and then blame me, using it as a cover to live your shallow, hermit life.”

“Seriously though, I’m asking for your help. As you clearly know, I can’t trust anyone else to understand….”

“First step, and I’m loathe to even tell you this… trust yourself. Don’t trust other people. I fully agree with you there. Other people suck. So do you, but at least you are you and in the world of tautologies that does have meaning.  Nowhere else, mind you, but it is a start. A small, circular start… look, you keep me talking too much and nothing will make any sense.  You. Are. Right.  Say it with me.”

“You…”

“No, not me, say ‘I am right.’”

“I am right.”

“How does that feel?”

“Wrong.”

“Jesus fucking Christ on a stick, what is wrong with you?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

“That’s your second step.  Figure that shit out. No one wants to be with a basket case.  Oh, look at the time. Now we are done.  Don’t finish that coffee… you won’t like what you find at the bottom of the cup.”

“…”

Published by Sean D. Francis

Sean D. Francis is a technologist, writer, and geek. He podcasts, makes video, and dabbles in all the geeky genres including horror, sci-fi, and fantasy.

One reply on “A Dialog With My Intutition #trust30 Challenge – Day 24”

  1. Sean, great take on a difficult prompt. I had a hard time with this one. Reading others posts has been a blas this month. Miriam

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